Shopping for a Provider
When I talk with doula clients and childbirth class attendees, I often tell them that it’s not a stretch to say that you should love your provider. I mean LOVE them. You should look forward to your appointments and the conversations that you have with your provider. You should feel confident asking questions and having a dialogue about your care. You should find comfort in the idea of their presence in your birth space because it will help you feel safe and supported. This is your pregnancy, your body, and your baby after all. This experience is too special to be cluttered with unwanted guests.
Sometimes I hear women or birth givers say that they did not start asking questions about labor or birth until the end of their pregnancy. So many of us do this, and it’s easy to see why. It is possible that we think the provider is busy, too rushed to have time to answer questions about labor or birth when that is weeks or months away. Maybe we are embarrassed by what we think we ought to already know. Or perhaps we asked questions before at a previous appointment and encountered a reaction that made us feel insecure, silly, judged, or as though we were wasting the time of our provider.
Think about your job, or something you know a lot about. When people ask you questions about your area of expertise, when they seek your opinion or guidance, are you defensive? Do you scoff at them? Do you assert that you are the expert and they should just blindly trust that you know all the answers? If you were planning your wedding or party and asked a vendor questions pertaining to your big day, if they responded to you rudely, would you continue to use their services? Would you stay with them even if you felt mistreated?
Too many of us encounter these red flag experiences in the provider’s office, yet we convince ourselves that it must be our imagination, our being overly-sensitive, or some other explanation that justifies the mistreatment, and then, we stay. We stay far longer than we should. When we do this, we set ourselves up for a negative or even a traumatic birth experience.
If we do not ask ALL of our questions at appointments, and if we accept the little time we are given in this machine that is mislabeled “care” in pregnancy and birth, then we are doing ourselves and other families who follow us a major disservice. We are enabling a system that does not serve us well.
Interview your providers. If you ask questions and they put you off and you do not feel like you are being informed and supported, then it may be time to seek care elsewhere. Shop around. Do your homework in searching for different providers who accept your insurance, or perhaps you may need to pay some out-of-pocket expense to gain superior care. If you’re able, then it may be worth it to be with someone who treats you with dignity, respect, and compassion. The trauma that people endure at the hands of unsupportive providers in birth is a major problem and can be a dangerous one. It is also a largely preventable one. When we stay with a provider, we are voting for them. So, make sure you LOVE this team of doctors or midwives that is helping to manage your care. Make sure they are earning your vote and that they are a welcomed presence at your birth experience. The start of your family is too significant for anything less.
