When you’re questioning your birth experience…

Oftentimes, after going through birth, in the days or weeks that follow, we question. Did I go to the hospital too soon? Should I have declined interventions? Should I have accepted interventions? What if I had done things a little bit differently?

I challenge birthing people to let go of those questions. Instead, let’s ask and reflect on how we transformed through our experience. How did this birth change me for the better? Even if the birth was challenging and did not go exactly as perhaps expected, you changed. You learned, you grew, and you are somehow different —an enhanced version of yourself, though you may not feel it yet. It may be several months before you recognize the ways you have come into your new self, but it will come.

There are so many factors that influence our birth and post-partum experiences. Some of those factors are within our control, while many others are not. In place of questioning whether you should have or could have done something different, surround yourself with positive support. Seek out those who encourage and bolster you, and follow your intuition just as you did in labor and birth. Additionally, give feedback. Give feedback to those who were present for your experience because perhaps they are the ones who need to question and reflect on how they could have supported differently, spoken to you more compassionately, or listened more openly. In so doing, you can help those people, or facilities, to transform themselves and provide better care for birthing families moving forward.

Be gentle to yourself in your time of recovery, and use your voice to promote change for positive birth support for those who follow you. As someone who bears witness to birth, I can honestly say that I come out of each experience in absolute awe of birthing people. If no one told you, and if you don’t quite feel it yet, know that you are a warrior. You are stronger than you even know, and your transformation is only just beginning.